Can you be suicidal but not at risk??

Can you be suicidal but not at risk?? 

I recently read an article that was well written by a friend and industry colleague of mine on this topic and I thought it worth covering with my knowledge AND experiences.

It's  a great question really... 

As Casey covered in her piece,  the answer is simply a YES!   But let me clarify from the perspective of someone who has walked the suicidal line more times than I care to count and a professional who has worked with people whom have also been there and done that.

It's my experience  that people who have lived a life of trauma- even long after that trauma is behind them,  often wake each morning disappointed that they woke. They're emotionally damaged if not broken and trying to function in a world  that is a far cry from the world we are designed to live in.

We are made with a NEED for family and community..  it has been this was since the earliest records of man and still exercised by primitive tribes. Indigenous peoples and modern nomads live in groups of 12-24 because this is how we are wired to function! The cliche ' it takes a village to raise a child' is very true (most cliches are true – which is why they are cliches). Human beings aren’t meant to live as isolated units,  even if that unit is not just a single person but a unit of husband,  wife and children! We are hunter gatherer beings designed to live within tribes/communities/groups. I  mean, subdivision and privacy fencing only became a norm since the 1940's! 

People with a traumatic background in modern society feel this isolation more than anyone which feeds depression and suicidal tenancies in this privatized modern society we have created. With this being acknowledged,  it is hard to feel a sense of fulfillment of completion when the trauma is behind you but you have been segregated from your tribe - or in modern society,  your family and network but this also applies if one  doesn't feel accepted,  loved and wanted within said network. 

With the reason for these feelings being acknowledged and  understood, is it possible for someone who has been segregated physically OR feel segregated emotionally to be suicidal but not at risk?? As mentioned before- the answer is simply yes. A person may be disappointed to have woken and questioned why god won't  take them out of this living hell,  they may feel like a burden to those they love and as though they are a drain BUT it doesn't  necessarily  mean they are ready to give up,  it doesn't  necessarily mean they are likely to self harm. (I know THIS 1st hand as this is where I sit a majority of the time!) What it does mean though, is that we need to recognize those who don't  have the support from their network and plug them in where they can feel that support and connection/ find their place where they feel a sense of belonging. I don't  necessarily  mean a support group,  these can work but can also feed that isolated feeling as everyone in that group are experiencing these same feelings and focusing too much energy on the negatives can feed those feelings,  but instead,  it's my belief that looking for alternatives such as plugging them into friends  or family (remember,  family doesn't have to be blood -  family can be the friends who see you as one of them and accept you wholly - the way you deserve and you too can truly  reciprocate)  allows all participants involved to experience oneness, acceptance,  be apart of the tribe and provides a place of belonging. We NEED  elders to guide,  youngsters to to help create a future and leave a legacy too AND we need the middle agers-peers for friendship/support/kinship etc.

Frankly,  my observations boil down to fulfilling basic human needs! This  is what we as a society have forgotten how to do and this disassociation manifests into self hating and harming activities!  Can you imagine your life without your annoying brother or your mother in law who drives you up the wall but is well intended? Your great aunt that is barking mad and your cousins...

Family or tribes come with their good/ bad and indifferent BUT  you know they're there,  your loved and needed, you're respected on some level and in times of crisis - some if not all of that network is there. When one doesn't  have a network or a 'tribe'  if you will,  when they feel like the weight isn't  shared but owned by them alone, when they're not included in family activities or helping meet family needs,  when there is obvious exclusion or even perceived exclusion,  at times of social isolation,  trauma and loss is when it seems to be key times that we as a tribe,a friend or community need to watch for self harming behaviors and risks. 

Everyone's  signs are different but I'll  list some below to help you on your way to supporting  your loved one who you know is suicidal but not currently at risk.

If you notice these or others that you identify as their indicators, I would encourage you to reach out to that person. If you know who their key person is,  reach out to them also and ask for their help! (yes.. most have a key person who can 'reach'  them and snap them out of it. .. sometimes it's a case of the right words from the right person and problem solved.)

Keep contact with your loved one and most importantly,  if it looks like that person is in immediate danger, call your local mental health team. Most hospitals have one connected to them and some can come out to your loved one to do an assessment if you can't convince them to go into hospital. (Hospitalization isn't  the right answer for everyone and it's important to acknowledge this and consider  whether it is the right move for that person) 

And MOST importantly,  if someone you love does attempt or is successful  at suicide,  you need to know its  not your  fault!  

Some people are amazing at hiding the signs while others who do show signs (usually unintentionally) may not respond to help. This is not your fault!  Everyone is worth trying to save but not everyone wants to be! 

SOME signs to look out for- 

:Disengaging  from family and friends 

:Making plans but not following through- regularly and over a short period of time

:Curious social media posts that could be hinting that things aren't  right.

:Days off work with curious explanations.

:Isolating ones self

:Erratic driving 

:Sudden and new drug or alcohol usage

:Sudden obsessive behavior... this can include throwing them selves eye ball deep into their work. (Used as a distraction from life.) 

:Major changes to sleeping patterns – too much or too little 

:Loss of energy
:Loss of interest in personal hygiene or appearance or exaggerated attention to appearance.
:Loss of interest in sex OR excessive  need for sex
:Sudden and extreme changes in eating habits – either loss of appetite or increase in appetite
:Weight gain or loss 

-Conversational signs-
:No future – "What's the point? Things are never going to get any better"
:Guilt – "It's all my fault, I'm to blame"
:Escape – "I can't take this anymore"
:Alone – "I'm on my own … no-one cares about me"
:Damaged – "I've been irreparably damaged… I'll never be the same again"
:Helpless – "Nothing I do makes a bit of difference, it's beyond my control"
:Talking about suicide or death
:Planning for suicide

-Risk Assessment Questions you can use-

Do you intend to take your life? (Intention)
Do you have a plan to take your life? (Plan)
Do you have access to the means to carry the plan out? (pills, gun, etc) (Means)
Do you have a timeframe for taking your life? (Timeframe)

Some helpful numbers: 

Emergency

000
Ambulance/ Police / Fire

131 126
Poisons Information

 Information or over the phone & internet counselling 

Headspace.org.au 

But be mindful and remember.... 

It is possible to be suicidal  but not at risk....use your better judgement to determine whether you need to bring in outside help. Sometimes the only help needed is to help them identify their  place of belonging. In the case of it turning from a thought to an action,  it is not your fault! 

If interested in what provoked me to address this subject, feel free to check out Casey's blog: https://walkingtheborderblog.wordpress.com/2016/07/10/im-suicidal-but-im-not-at-risk/